Here is another piece I wrote back in June of 2007. I dont think many had a chance to read it on MySpace, so here ya go...
I know this may sound a little absurd, but I don't think of myself as "old" or "older." Does anyone think of themselves that way? I guess, at a certain age you begin to realize on a more physical level that your body is slowly deteriorating, heading towards death, but…it hadn't happened to me. When I turned thirty, I wasn't really bothered by it. When I turned thirty-one, it didn't cross my mind that I was leaving "twenty-something" so far behind. It wasn't until just the other day that I actually began to think about the fact that I will soon be (dun dun DUNNNNNNN) thirty-two!
Thirty-two, as in eight years from FORTY seems really out there. Maybe because most of my friends that I spend time with on a daily basis are younger than me. Most of my friends range from twenty-three to twenty-eight years old. There might be a twenty-nine thrown in the mix here or there, but it's rare. I don't even know how I ended up the matriarch of a group like this. I didn't search out a "younger crowd." I suppose most of it just goes back to good 'ole time/place/situation. In any case, talking about having pups as friends is not my purpose here.
I am sitting on the floor of my child's room with a friend, she's younger of course, and both of our boys are playing. We are talking about another couple we know, and the fact is brought up that the wife looks older than the husband. "Well, she is THIRTY!" my friend cries out. I am appalled. I am shocked. I am THIRTY-ONE. "Stop right there!" I shout back. We then begin to discuss my age, and she is now the shocked one to realize that I am SO OLD.
This got me thinking, about age, numbers, wrinkles, cellulite, all sorts of things. I had an epiphany. It's been a long time a COM' in, but I made it. Here it is world, listen up…I am thirty-one years old and loving it. I wouldn't go back to twenty-something for anything in the world. Seriously. Let me clarify, those days weren't awful, but truth be told, I am much happier now than then. There is a wisdom that comes with age, and with making stupid choices and having to rectify them. I think maybe I have picked up a little of that, I dare say. Then there is the whole self-esteem bit. Ok, so I realize I am still a little obsessive about "keeping the package together", but here's the difference. Back then I could never figure out when I had it together and when I didn't. What I am saying is that, without trying to sound full of myself because that isn't it, I finally see myself for what I truly am. I am a freaking good catch! I am not flawless, by no means, but hell if I don't look damn good compared to some…most. ? I don't say that to look down on anyone else, I say that to appreciate myself, which is something I never could have done in my twenties.
In my twenties, I moved around, traveled, and met tons of new friends. I met my husband. I married my husband, and bought my first home. That was an amazing time. However, it's just now that we have really focused on our spiritual, financial, and family goals. We are happier and healthier now than we have ever been, and so much of that I am able to contribute because I am ok with me. Maybe this isn't the same for everyone. Surely there are people out there that don't wait until their thirties to feel comfortable within themselves, but this is how it worked for me.
Come November, I will take another step closer to forty and that's cool with me. I feel good, I am healthy, and I love my husband, son, friends, and family. This is a place that I am ok being; so don't cry for me all you twenty-somethings. There won't be weeping, or gnashing of teeth in my honor. It will be just another reason to throw a party, and watch my young friends break it down on the dance floor.
