So What Am I Doing?

It's late. I can't be held accountable for what this blog may say. This is my disclaimer.

It's the second day of spring break. I am starting to think that I could totally get use to this "Stay at home mom" business. As long as I could create a schedule full of outings, so I wouldn't go stir crazy...sure I could do it.

BUT...would I miss my crazy kids at school? Probably a little. Would I miss my strongly binded school based friendships that I have spent so long cultivating? Absolutely. Would I be doing a disservice to myself to be letting go of a gift that God bestowed on me? (teaching) I dont know. I would like to think, I mean, I know that my child is more important. Obviously, but would I be able to be the mother that I am if part of me disappeared? That I do not know. Is any of this a real issue since I will never be a stay at home mom? NOPE.

Sorry. I am rambling. It's 12:15 in the am, and I can't sleep. I have ten million things going on in my head, and it's creating quite the wall between me and my dreams. I am thinking about how much I want another child. How I hope this will be the month. How I dont understand why it's taking so long this time, since I only had to think pregnant before I became pregnant with Cash. I am thinking, "What is God thinking."

I am deciding what to wear tomorrow. I am already (after two days) tired of t-shirts and jeans. Since Cash and I are going to visit his dad at work for lunch, I figure it's a great time to wear my new skirt. I am debating on what color to paint my toe nails, as it's finally time for them to come out of their deep winter coma. I am wishing that my mama could be here for Easter again this year.

I am mentally renovating my home. I am mentally putting together shots for my photoblog. I am mentally planning the educational book that Lindsay and I are going to write. I am mentally getting myself ready to NOT gain 60 llbs. if I DO get pregnant. Actually, I am mentally willing myself to loose 10 llbs ASAP. Pregnant or not. Maybe I am just mental.

I am grieving over that fact that I have, at least 8 good hours of homework that must be done before this week is over. I am thinking over the pro's and con's of a subaru vs. a volvo wagon. I am trying to decide on the significance of the dream I had the other night that put me back in high school with Tyler Goodlad. Seriously, TYLER GOODLAD. What the heck?

Ok, I am thinking that you get it. I cant sleep. Mind going, literally, 90 miles an hour. Me hoping typing out my train of thought will somehow zap it all out of me, and I will once again be able to join Tyler Goodlad for lunch (platonic, of course) in my dreams. :)

Wishing you all a better night's rest...